Something's gotta give

My baby girl is home sick today. We were on our way to dinner downtown last night with family and she threw up in her car seat.

The picture reflects what she's doing most today, but we're keeping a close watch on her fluid intake and any signs of fever. It breaks my heart.

But, my motivation to post this morning is less about my sick baby and more about thoughts that an unexpected change in my schedule have provoked.

Over the past few weeks, I've been struggling to figure out a few things. Mostly, my schedule.

I'm a firm believer in being a mom first. I have a part-time job, but I am happy to say that my work is done while my girls are either at school (two mornings a week) or asleep in their beds. It's a pretty sweet deal. It's work I'm passionate about and doing the work fuels my passion.

But, I also lead my adult couples Life Group, co-lead a high school girls Life Group and currently work out three times a week with a personal trainer... and over the last week, I hit a wall. And come face-to-face with the reality that something's gotta give.

I'm not sure yet what it's going to be and ultimately, it may be nothing.

See, I'm working on this new process in my life. I listened to a really great podcast the other day from Mosaic Church out in LA. I can't even tell you exactly what the speaker was talking about, but it was a single point that he made that really stood out to me. He said he was talking to a busy mom, and she was telling him how she was seeking "balance" in her life.

He challenged her by asking where in the Bible she heard that God calls us to "balance." He said, it's nowhere in the Word. Jesus wasn't balanced. Paul certainly wasn't balanced. God doesn't call us to find balance.

He calls us to find rythmn. Although at the moment I can't remember where in scripture he found this, but it's made a lot of sense to me, nonetheless.

I'm a convicted girl. And one of my convictions is that I shouldn't push my convictions onto others. But, let me say plainly here that I am convicted to never use my kids as the reason why God can't use me in this season of my life. I don't think that my kids excuse me from making myself available to God.

YES! I am a mom first. Which means, the majority of my week is focused on my girls: nurturing, disciplining, feeding, dealing with poop. And they will always be my priority.

I want my kids to see me serving. Using my gifts and passions and getting fuel from it.

But, somewhere in the last week, I must have missed a beat. Things are feeling out of sync.

I know I'm going to have moments like this. Where I'm just plain over it. I want to quit every commitment I've made and stay at home and not feel so stinking rushed all the time.

But, for me, that will only feel good for like a week.

I need to take a minute (a mommy time out, if you will) and sometimes in life I just need a good friend to tell me to SLOW DOWN. But, most of all I need to have some serious heart-to-hearts with Big G.

In the meantime, maybe I should wear a sign: White girl, desperately seeking rythmn.