Thursday, November 6, 2008

Something's gotta give

My baby girl is home sick today. We were on our way to dinner downtown last night with family and she threw up in her car seat.

The picture reflects what she's doing most today, but we're keeping a close watch on her fluid intake and any signs of fever. It breaks my heart.

But, my motivation to post this morning is less about my sick baby and more about thoughts that an unexpected change in my schedule have provoked.

Over the past few weeks, I've been struggling to figure out a few things. Mostly, my schedule.

I'm a firm believer in being a mom first. I have a part-time job, but I am happy to say that my work is done while my girls are either at school (two mornings a week) or asleep in their beds. It's a pretty sweet deal. It's work I'm passionate about and doing the work fuels my passion.

But, I also lead my adult couples Life Group, co-lead a high school girls Life Group and currently work out three times a week with a personal trainer... and over the last week, I hit a wall. And come face-to-face with the reality that something's gotta give.

I'm not sure yet what it's going to be and ultimately, it may be nothing.

See, I'm working on this new process in my life. I listened to a really great podcast the other day from Mosaic Church out in LA. I can't even tell you exactly what the speaker was talking about, but it was a single point that he made that really stood out to me. He said he was talking to a busy mom, and she was telling him how she was seeking "balance" in her life.

He challenged her by asking where in the Bible she heard that God calls us to "balance." He said, it's nowhere in the Word. Jesus wasn't balanced. Paul certainly wasn't balanced. God doesn't call us to find balance.

He calls us to find rythmn. Although at the moment I can't remember where in scripture he found this, but it's made a lot of sense to me, nonetheless.

I'm a convicted girl. And one of my convictions is that I shouldn't push my convictions onto others. But, let me say plainly here that I am convicted to never use my kids as the reason why God can't use me in this season of my life. I don't think that my kids excuse me from making myself available to God.

YES! I am a mom first. Which means, the majority of my week is focused on my girls: nurturing, disciplining, feeding, dealing with poop. And they will always be my priority.

I want my kids to see me serving. Using my gifts and passions and getting fuel from it.

But, somewhere in the last week, I must have missed a beat. Things are feeling out of sync.

I know I'm going to have moments like this. Where I'm just plain over it. I want to quit every commitment I've made and stay at home and not feel so stinking rushed all the time.

But, for me, that will only feel good for like a week.

I need to take a minute (a mommy time out, if you will) and sometimes in life I just need a good friend to tell me to SLOW DOWN. But, most of all I need to have some serious heart-to-hearts with Big G.

In the meantime, maybe I should wear a sign: White girl, desperately seeking rythmn.


Shape Up With Cindy said...

Hi Jenni!
You are an absolute DOLL! Well, you sound like a normal, REAL, harding working, hectic mom and woman to me sugar! Geesh.... out of balance?!? Out of sync?!?!? Just remember to pay attention to those "times of month" that can sneak up on you and totally MESS with your mind!!!

You have an amazing rhythm already... and well, we already know you are out of balance a bit!!! ;P hahaha

You need a friend to tell you to stop biting off more than you can chew?!??? I'm your go to gal for that for SURE!!!

God is amazing and he places people in our lives for reasons we have no clue about but can only fathom a guess with a bit of intuition..... you have an amazing perceptiveness about those intersections we spoke about....

Go with your gut baby - usually (I think) that's how God works with us....

I love you... remember: YOU ROCK and are an amazing child of God! Keep your chin up....
Hey... by the way? How are your Abdominals feeling today???

:) Cin

Shape Up With Cindy said...

Oh Oh OH!!! I have another comment to make as a parent sweetie!!!!
I fully believe that we as parents are NOT "given" our children so as to make them co-dependent upon us.... nor are we to be their "friends" or "playmates"....

We are parents to raise our kids to be Dependent and teach them COPING skills.... common sense, etc.... This will help them through rough times.... as there always are... continuously throughout an invidivuals life!!!

Okay... I'm through now.... just had to get THAT off my chest! (See what happens? Where my mind goes when I am blow drying my hair!)
;) Cin

Shape Up With Cindy said...

sorry.... I mean INdependent...
:) (blushing...) (not really!)

Ike and Suz said...

Thanks for this great post. It helps make me feel normal when I see other moms going through similar struggles that I go through everyday. Not that I wish you to be out of rhythm, but just know you are in good company.
Also, one other mother that I met along the way gave me great advice... always remember that the children live in your house, you don't live in their house. Yes, they are a priority. Yes you want to meet their needs and keep them happy... but if you aren't happy then neither are they. You have to do what is right for you during the day and the kids will follow suit. Don't NOT work out because the kids are grumpy or don't want to be at a sitter. Don't NOT go to a playdate or an outing because it may mess up there naps for 30 minutes... etc. You get what I am saying.
Thanks again for the great post and I will keep you and your family in my daily prayers. Hang in there... this too will pass. And as soon as you find that rhythm then we will be all messed up again because it will be December. ha!
Much love,